The Real Locker-room

Hi guys! Welcome to my third blog! Recently some events around the country have gained the right amount of attention and on the bounce of it many ignorant remarks and excuses such as “Not all men” have found its place in social media or on different platforms. I would be talking about it, the very infamous “Rape Culture” present in the society in which we are all being raised and about many other things related and not related to it in this blog. So, keep reading….

 Disclaimer: These opinions are completely entitled to me and I respect any different opinion which is fuelled by logic and not any social/religious taboo.

You might be a bit surprised that why I claimed the tag “Not all men” an ignorant remark or an excuse, aren’t you? I said it because it is all men, be it directly, indirectly, through action, through thinking, expressing it, not expressing it, me, my father, my uncles, my neighbors, my teachers, my friends, my classmates or any random man reading this or not reading this. We all are involved. Let us just skip the explanation of it for the later part of the blog. First, let's see what actually happened in the ‘Bois Locker room’ incident.

‘Bois Locker room’ – a private Instagram group of young schoolboys from South Delhi has caught people’s attention for all the wrong reasons. 

Screenshots of chats between boys of that group, some as young as 13, sharing morphed photos of teenage girls, fellow classmates, and friends, making violent and explicit comments about their bodies, sharing gang-raping fantasies, have gone viral on social media, raising concerns not only amongst parents and citizens but also leading to an FIR.

We have been here once before when the MeToo movement took social media by storm around two years back, and broke the hard truth about how entrenched we are, as a society, in toxic masculinity, and rape culture, and we’re back once again, reigniting those conversations and debates around misogyny, and rape culture, because of young schoolboys.

The scandal surfaced over social media over the last weekend as social media handles got hold of leaked conversations between schoolboys of that group. From planning gang rapes to sharing photos of their peers without consent and talking about their bodies in lewd details, this page ticked all boxes of classic toxic masculinity just in the name of plain ‘boy talks’. The incident came to light when an Instagram user, who was sent the screenshots of those conversations by someone who was added to the group, exposed it over the internet and it didn’t take very long to get viral. According to reports, this group chat, which has now been deactivated, comprises around 30 teenage boys, all belonging to posh schools of Delhi. Irrespective of how young the boys are, who were engaged in vile and violent conversations regarding sex and physique, the chats triggered a massive outrage and demands the boys to be held accountable for their actions. On 5th May, with the help of Delhi police and Instagram, Delhi Cyber Security Cell has put one of those boys in custody, possibly the admin of the group. But the issue here isn’t only legal accountability rather how many men and young boys are socializing with India’s growing rape culture and how the ‘Locker room’ chats perpetuate it.

Now, let’s see what actually is rape culture and how it is existing in our “Sanskari” society. According to Wikipedia, rape culture is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality. Behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim-blaming, slut-shaming, trivializing rape, sexual objectification, denial of widespread rape, refusing to acknowledge the harm caused by sexual violence, or some combination of these. 

Our society, educational system, families, and everything else is part of this rape culture. Why? You ask? Because in our society people aren’t taught not to rape but are taught ‘not to be raped’. We, as a society, don’t acknowledge that anyone can be a rapist and not someone very different from us roaming around in the streets at night. Our culture still refuses to accept the fact that most rapists are ordinary men who have mothers, sisters, brothers, etc. Denying this simple fact just helps rapists get away with their crimes. 

In our society, victim-blaming has been a common parcel with the term Rape. Questions like “Why were you out so late?” or “Why do you talk to boys so much?” or “Why did you wear such a short skirt?” aren’t right and just reflect how we have been built as a society. These questions or orders regarding dresses, restrictions over personal actions, etc. just objectify women as a product being in danger. Whenever there is a crime it’s the perpetrator’s fault. When there is a robbery in a bank then we don’t blame the bank, do we? So why do teachers give that look to a girl when she’s talking to a boy? Because that teacher is also a part of the rape culture. Rape doesn’t always need to happen as an action to be dealt with and paid attention to. Rape, first of all, happens inside a person’s brain. Then it is carried out as an action. Like these boys of South Delhi, texting about their ‘Desires/Fantasies’ under the phrase “Locker room banter”. Men have been engaged with this for years and also getting away with it be it on any sort of level. A famous example of that would be Donald Trump, who bragged about grabbing women by the genitalia. When tapes of that conversation got leaked, Trump brushed it off as Locker room Banter and went on to win the US Elections. A not so famous yet very recognizable example of it is every present-day teenager’s group chat. Slut-shaming of exes, peers, classmates, sometimes even teachers, sharing memes on such topics, or cracking sexually explicit jokes due to either their dress, or behavior or some personal grudge can be seen quite often. And that also explains why it is not “Not All Men”. No, I’m not here to accuse you. I’ve been there as well. I am ashamed of myself for those actions and am accountable to my own morals and values. The objectification of women in society, schools, colleges, workspace, pop-culture or sources of entertainment just evades attention under the same banner of ‘Light Banter’ and is termed as ‘hot’ and ends up laying the foundation of Sexism in our society and thus is a very important yet ignored component of the Rape culture in the society. 

The incidents aren’t actually shocking and not even a new phenomenon. Various things result in such normalization of rape and violent behavior in young boys. Peer pressure and the urge to assert oneself and wide exposure to media and online content are a few of those reasons. At a stage of life where they are still building their identity and getting to know how to be and what to grow up to be the external influences play a big role considering the huge amount of content available. They end up being exposed to a lot of uncensored content, online series with sexual behavior or context, and pornographic content without the right amount of maturity to deal with such amount of exposure. Failure in differentiating the fine line of border between a virtual and digital world adds up to the toxicity inside their craniums. Failure in understanding the basis of the sexual undertone in the content they are watching, which is made for certain reasons ends up being a major issue. Another reason for that kind of thought process is also resulted due to peer group actions and they are expected to be doing or ‘possessing’ to be an alfa or a so-called ‘Stud’ and gaining power along the way. Such behavior mostly is a reflection of what they are failing to accomplish or achieve in real life like attention, validation, affection, social acceptance, etc. from their parents, families, friends, or peers of the opposite sex. Thus, they try to gain a designation of having power through such actions or comments which results in the foundation of the idea that ‘being a boy you can do whatever you want with a girl’. 

A major role in this is the situation prevailing in one’s household. What sort of power dynamic is present between the parents, how are the females in the household treated and how are boys taught to be treated with their female counterparts and also what sort of acceptance are they lacking in their lives which they are trying to accomplish through such narratives.

Obviously, there isn’t any justification for any sort of behavior but there must be some way through which these situations can be removed from society. Why we haven’t been successful in doing that is also a question that gets answered by our reactive way of responding instead of proactive mode, that too, to the symptoms of the problem and not the actual problem or its core.

I am not sure about what is the solution to this problem. Maybe, a better society that treats everyone equally as humans and not a certain sex as an entity that is in danger. Maybe, a society where ‘Sex Education’ is not just a Television Series but also a subject taught to every child in their homes and schools. Maybe, an Education Society which stops replacing our hearts with textbooks and rather gives us education which will help us grow as humans and teaches us how to understand life better and help us make our choices in life more sensibly. An Education System which teaches us what true modernization is. Probably a better society would solve problems regarding rapes, be it female or male, differences based on physique, abuse, and even Fake complaints of abuse. (this might have been tinkering a lot of minds till this point I assume)

I don’t know that if this blog would help the cause or it will end up sparking a revolution. How can I? In a society where every different thought rounds up to “Mereko iss jhamele me nahi parna” or “Mereko bas apni shanti se matlab hai”, I guess any sort of revolution is a far-fetched dream and so is any sort of freedom, be it political, socio-economical, educational or sexual. Thank God, a certain Mohandas didn’t end up thinking that way. Still some people might give the cause a thought and a probable revolution might be up the cards. No one knows what’s gonna happen. What we can do is teach ourselves about what is morally correct and what isn’t.

Hopefully, I would be successful in helping some of you think the right way which hasn’t really been discussed, and maybe y’all will come up for the bigger cause. But, please don’t if the real reason you are supporting the cause is your crush being a supporter of this. I am not telling you would be wrong but you won’t be correct either. You would be just wasting your time and effort in a cause you don’t really believe in. And believe me, this cause is way bigger than just being an entity to be used to impress someone you admire physically or emotionally. Just stick to what you believe in.

Neither I am a Reverend to preach you something nor this is a creative spark generated on the bounce of the recent incidents. I just tried to voice out my opinion regarding a major problem in society.

The bottom line is that ‘Locker Room’ isn’t just a single group chat but every online group, every drawing-room, every classroom, every mind, and every strata of Society of this modern-day India.

Thanks for reading. Any sort of opinion is welcomed in the comments, in agreement or in disagreement to any of the opinions I voiced out...